I can't believe it's not digital...

lets be besties!

outofthesquare — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 23:27:12 +0000

Oh you are soooooooo much fun… like totally fun…. like FUN FUN!

(we know you just want our budget, you cheap skanks).

Buyers united.

Post Grad – Pre Experience

outofthesquare — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 23:22:20 +0000

Im sorry dear post graduate,

You have finally joined an agency, yay, this is a very exciting time for you.

Enjoy the coffee, free fruit and toast, and the big fridge with lots of alcohol. You will need this alcohol to drown your sorrows when you are trafficking OTPs at 11pm on Friday, and attempting to fix reports that have blown out (there are only 43 apps this week, but 50 last week!)

As such, dear graduate, please maintain composure. We hear you. All that we ask is that you keep your attitude to a minimum. Being a demanding little bitch wont save your soul in digital, it will only make you the talk of the industry….and we all know how much we love to talk.

So. when you think about being a MOLE, just remember…. I am going to quiz you as to your industry knowledge, and if you get more questions wrong than right, I shall hang up the phone and leave you for the sharks…

This is a cut throat industry, bitches.

missing the mark

outofthesquare — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 01:03:59 +0000

Can someone please tell me why an advertiser would actually pay to have a TVC that has one of the following.

1. tacky, porn music, made with a commodore 64 sound card.

2. Poorly executed artistic vision, with BAD punch lines, and un-realised potential.

3. Testemonials..

4. Jingles….. “car city…” OMG – can you at least employ a struggling singer and not your children?

5. Ripped off music… for example Goldfrapp, Ladytron, Peaches.. the list goes on – changing the melody slightly doesn’t make it any more credible.

Can someone please tell me why someone would actually pay to even have a TVC these days…

ya mum.

OTP not so OTT

outofthesquare — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 22:56:34 +0000

Since when did an OTP become a cutting edge offering?

When you told me you wanted “outside the square”, i did not realise you were merely suggesting something other than a medium rectangle…

You know what would be REALLY cutting edge? An OTP that expanded, jumped out of the screen, slapped you a few times across the face, and then offered a “forward to a friend” functionality.

Now that would be REALLY cutting edge.

depressed inventory

outofthesquare — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:14:42 +0000

So I found out today that my mate and six of his co-workers were laid of at their digital creative agency… It’s really quite sad, given how amazingly talented they all are.

So many people have reassured me that the recession wouldn’t affect spend in digital. What’s more, countless fancy reports are showing that online is persistently growing despite hard times ahead – whoooo!!! Perhaps it is… but whatever is going down with the economic side of things is certainly affecting digital in its day to day dealings… duh, right?

Frankly, I don’t care if spend is up – employees are being let go left, right, and god forbid centre. When all the spend is being spent, there will be no one to help spend it… We should be fostering our talent the best we can, now more than ever.

This, my friends, is certainly not a win.

(we could, however, all become troubadours…yeah… thats kinda hot…)

um hellooo…

outofthesquare — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 07:01:48 +0000

You are an account/campaign exec, NOT a digital head – get your head out of your backside, and go wash off that makeup.

Less attitude, more spec spreadsheets.

oh you crazy kids.

outofthesquare — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 05:28:32 +0000

Planner Buyer: “Hello dear friendly publisher…

I would like to target my campaign to all men aged 55+, living in Katoomba (SME of course). They need to be single, tech savvy, and classified as an ‘interactive traveller’. Ideally, they like fine dining and have various managed investments – real high flyers… oh oh, and I would like it time targeted between 12pm and 12.01pm on Sundays.

Can you please tell me what positions you might have that would be relevant and if this comprehensive targeting is something that you can offer?”

Friendly Publisher: “Well, friendly advertiser… Our comprehensive behavioral system tells us that there is approximately one impression for this campaign – Shall we have a courier deliver Barry your advertisement?”.

email etiquette

outofthesquare — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 02:19:28 +0000

Since when did it become appropriate for a newly established media relationship to break into “sweety”, “hun”, or worse, “darling heart” via email correspondence?

Further to this, a ‘x’ or a “xoxo” should only be offered as an extension of an already established, or friendship based relationship. For we do not work at the David Jones cosmetics counter people. If I wanted to be saturated in perfume I would get my arse down to Pitt Stree Mall…

Saying ‘babe’ will NOT enhance you status, nor your spend. It will not get you onto a schedule (publishers), and it will ensure you are rejected from the most inferior networks (advertisers) – yes even blind.

So the next time a random calls me ’gorgeous’ via email, i shall work my response into an overall communication strategy (like any good media person would do). The first portion shall encompass evil messages via bluetooth, and the rest shall follow….

boom chika wah wah.

outofthesquare — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 01:38:17 +0000

Why do magazine reps always have such white teeth? Like they are made from the same material that ouzes off covers all around Australia…

Perhaps this is a counter attack on economic hardship. OR perhaps they are just really, really sexy.

I dunno.

Silly talk

outofthesquare — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:15:13 +0000

It has become evident that there are a few ‘loose’ terms floating around at the moment. If a planner/publisher tells me “This will lead to digital nirvana”, or “I need it to be beyond the banner”, do they really know what they are saying?

When someone says “content integration”, do they REALLY know what it is? No, its not an advertorial darling…

Integration, first to market (is it really, now?), cutting edge, brand longevity…

dear oh dear.